It dawned on me that I need to kick the dust off of this blog and start attacking it for all the reasons why I started it. But why did I start it? It’s hard to say exactly, there is so many. I think I’ve procrastinated because I really can write about the most random shit. I am a 31 year old blonde chick from Jersey who lives in California (and a brief and rather culturally shaking, but wonderful stint in South Carolina in between aka college). People find me intense but funny and smart…or atleast I do and everyone else could be big fat liars that indulge me. Book smart, high levels of street smart (Jersey, what?) hence a decent EQ but really lacking in the common sense department at times. So I guess you could say that I’m built funny on the intelligence scale. Business woman by day and a put together hot mess by night. So why not start a blog about the random life events that I experience and maybe someone somewhere can benefit somehow, some way…Like hey, if you’re having a bad day, check out my blog I probably did something weird…or awesome..or both? The Fievel Mousecowitz’s of the world need me. I also have Russian somewhere in my ancestry, so it all makes a lot of sense.
So I thought about what I want to say. I could talk about how I recently had an ‘aha’ moment that 5 hour energy & coconut water combo is a really kick ass way to beat a hang over. Or about how much I really love spray tans. Or my beautiful mamacita bulldog named Cali. Or move onto bigger topics like being recently divorced from a man that I was with for over a decade. Like, sorry 20’s, I really fucked that one up. More on that later, perhaps a lesson on love. And a lesson on love from a gal that is going through a DEVO and doesn’t know how to date worth a shit? Now that’s retarded. But maybe we’ll learn something together on these sexy adventures into the menz world. Lastly, I like to gangsta rap..it’s my coping mechanism, if you will.
So the topic for today is spray tans. My friend Bridget and I spent some listless time discussing the significance of this phenomenom. Remember when tanning booths were all the rage? Ew, so early 2000’s. Well we decided that spray tans are so amazingly ego boosting and therefore stress relieving that they could likely solve most of the world’s problems. She said it best when she said,
This could go on forever. But it is really true. Spray tans are a a-lack-of-melanin-in-the-skin gals best friend. And without the skin cancer! See just solved another world problem. I feel like today was a good day and I am glad I got to the bottom of why these suckers make me one sticky, Aunt Jemima looking, happy gal ready to stain her clothes a weird shade of brown and take on the world. How do you like me now Obama! (Note, that was not a black joke, although I can’t help it if I might look like I could be his 3rd child, the after effects of the spray are fierce!).
Lesson of the Day: See below. Enough Said.